| Feb. 27th, 2005 @ 01:30 pm i have issues |
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It seems that every time I go to the woods something happens that makes me learn something new about myself. Something happen that hadn’t happened in a really long time – I totally had one of my freaking out episodes, something I like to call a “mirielle panic attack” not a real panic attack, just a me thing – were I feel trapped and can’t breath and just want to cry. Don’t ask. I have serious issues for many reasons.
I have really big self esteem issues and they really come out when I’m home. I guess my parents don’t really help me out to feel better about myself and the way I look. Which has always been a bid deal with me, especially since I’m not “hot anymore”
I think I’m sad. But I don’t know why. It’s me I can’t explain it.
Don’t get me wrong this weekend was fun. I got to distress a little.
Friday Rachel, chad , and I drove to the woods around 9:30ish and had a mimi private party at Rachel’s. we went “fishing” w/ Ernesto and paduano and then paduano droves us around – I feel asleep in the car. We got back at 4am and Rachel let me sleep in her bed..she’s awesome.
Saturday woke up and went home (my parents don ‘t know I was in the woods on Friday) I have a laley and mimi afternoon (I need to have a danyell and mimi day I miss danyell) Laura and I had an interesting conversation she brought up the fact that I’ve different I have changed. I was surprised to see that someone else had noticed to and that it wasn’t just me.
Later, I was going to go to the movies around 7:30ish with Rachel and her crew but paduano was in a car accident and we went to hung out with him at the scene for emotional support. I love it how does guys can turn any situation to something funny. Aw and let us not forget Rachel buying a Playboy (for a school project) and sitting in erny’s car examined it – of course we were reading the articles playboy was not what I expected it really doesn’t have that many naked pictures.
Anyways, we ended up going to see the late showing of bogeyman and it was kinda scary..but the ending was stupid. Next scary movie the Ring Two..i’m going to wet my pants.
I really didn’t get to see danyell ‘cause she worked all weekend. But I got to see her today for a little while at the park by my house ‘cause she was babysitting.
I love hanging out with Rachel and her crew but I just feel so left out and like I don’t belong, and uncomfortable (for many reasons) I guess I feel like I don’t belong – when danyell and Fernando are there I don’t really mind but without them I feel lost and left out. But they are funny. I dunno I was really quiet when it was the whole group….which is not like me at all.
yea, I need to type my paper. and go back to aggieland.
so in conclusion, I don’t know why I’m sad. I need to go back to aggieland where everything is happy…well not really…
PS i guess not having people reading my livejournal (more people i know read my xanga) is actually good...in a way i get to really say what i want to say.
I guess my livejournal is more of my inside...emotions journal...i have issues. |
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miriellegirl's journal
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